I got diagnosed with anxiety on August 2014.
I felt like everything had gone wrong in my life. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and just shut everyone out. The longer I shut people out of my life the worse it got because I was worried they’d be talking to me or wouldn’t want to meet up or that they’d eventually stop asking me because I always said no or made up an excuse. My boyfriend at that time went away for about 2 weeks which made it worse, I was really short with him and eventually just stopped talking to him. But I didn’t know why…….I still don’t know why. I don’t know what happened and why it happens. I don’t know why when everything is going well in my life I start to shut down and push everyone away. I wish I didn’t because it makes me more upset but I can’t control it, it’s like a switch someone else is pushing and I can never reach to switch it back. The worse thing is I can’t explain it to anyone, when someone asks me why or what’s wrong, I honestly don’t know and it ends up making me feel worse.
After I got diagnosed with anxiety I found out really fast who my real friends were, there were people who made everything all about them and just made me feel worse and brought me to a bad place in my mind and I had to say goodbye to them. I had a lot of friends who didn’t understand what Anxiety was and that was hard to explain it to them but they eventually started to understand, at first they treated me differently but now it’s like I don’t have a mental health illness at all when I’m with them. I still get people asking me if I’m ‘over’ my anxiety yet but I shut them down pretty quickly now.
I still have days where I can’t meet up with people but I find those days are less than they used to be. Sometimes when people ask me to meet up I have to tell them that I’ll see when I wake up because I have no way of knowing how I’ll be and if I’m not feeling great mentally I don’t want to trap myself in a social activity I’m not sure I want to go to.
I wrote this post for myself to just have everything I’m feeling and how I felt written down so it’s not a burden on myself anymore. But I also wrote this for anyone else who is dealing with anxiety or any other mental health because you are not alone and even though there can be some really awful days there can also be some really great days I promise. And even though you may feel alone there really are people who want to help you and be there for you they just may not know or understand what your going through. You need to make sure you’re not surrounding yourself with negative people no matter how hard that may be, you need to surround yourself with love and positivity because that’s what you deserve.