A couple of days ago two people came into my history class to get two students to take pictures of for the prospectus. No other girls were going so I just went with them. It wasn’t bad. I had to fill in a form about why I chose that college and my courses, what advice I had for new students etc. That was interesting. Then it came to taking the photos. I didn’t think I looked that bad, I even had my hair down which I don’t normally do. They gave me a folder to hold as they took photos and I smiled. Then the photographer says to me ‘give me a big smile, show some teeth’. That’s when I realised I never smile with my mouth open anymore, I never show my teeth. I’m really self conscious about my teeth so I consciously smile with my mouth closed. So I smiled with my mouth and with my teeth, it was so weird. I didn’t feel happy, it felt really weird like I wasn’t actually smiling and I felt awkward like I looked stupid but the photographer seemed to be happy. I realised I kept closing my mouth without realising it because that was most comfortable for me. Eventually it was over and I went back to my class.
However, I was left with this feeling. I can’t quite explain it but it made me sad. When I got home I looked at pictures of me when I used to smile with my teeth and then I realised as I got older I slowly started to stop and smile with my mouth closed. I took a picture of myself smiling with my teeth showing and it made me smile. I didn’t even look that bad but it still didn’t feel natural or right. So I’m gonna keep at it and maybe I’ll even learn to love that part of myself. Maybe I’ll be able to smile with my teeth naturally.