Death, Mental Health, Thoughts

Death of a loved one

Last year someone very close to me died. He was a family friend and I had know him all my life. His health wasn’t always the greatest he had two heart attacks in his life and he wasn’t very good at keeping his diabetes under control. One night I got woken up by this loud noise sounded almost like snoring but worse. I didn’t know what it was, I didn’t understand what was happening. I closed my door so I could go back to sleep.

I didn’t go back to sleep I couldn’t the noise was still going on. I heard my mum run down stairs and get our friend who is trained in first aid. I heard another friend wake up. I got up and opened my door. I saw him, he was on the bed. I got pushed out of the room and told not to look. My nephew was brought upstairs and I took him out of the arms of our friend and took him downstairs to play with his toys.

They called an ambulance which eventually arrived. The police arrived as they had been looking for him as he was a high risk to himself. Someone thought he was going to commit suicide.

We were all woken up at about 5 in the morning. The police were talking to us. They had been here last night asking my mum if she had seen him and he told her to say no. They were annoyed at her, they were quite harsh as they spoke to her. Eventually we were told that he had died. I was taken to a room with my nephew while we waited for him to be taken out of the house. We weren’t allowed upstairs not even to get something from our rooms. The police questioned my mum and our two friends. The police finally left at 11.

Everything had happened so quickly and then I remembered that I had heard him. I heard him say no while all the noise was being made. It was explained to me that the noise I heard was the sound of him dying. The last thing I had heard was him dying and I closed my door on him. He had a heart attack there was nothing any of us could have done.

Now if I hear a noise when I’m trying to go to sleep I can’t close my door. I try but then I get flashbacks to that night and I end up worrying and can’t sleep. It sounds irrational but I can’t help it. I had to move my room around so that I could actually go to sleep, with my bed in a different place and all my stuff so it doesn’t look like how it was on that night. It still affects me a year later but not as much. I still randomly have flashbacks especially if I hear an odd noise or something that sounded like him.

I don’t really know what this post is supposed to achieve but I just needed someone to listen, someone to hear me and my experience.



2 thoughts on “Death of a loved one

  1. Pingback: I have PTSD | Crowley's Favourite Worrier

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