Mental Health, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Mental Health vs Love Life

I went up to Newcastle last month to meet up with a guy I really liked. I also learnt a lot about myself.

I haven’t dated for 3 years since I had a mental breakdown halfway through my last relationship and have been scared it would happen again ever since. Not only that but I wanted to work more on myself and loving myself.

First of all, we met at work and had been speaking for roughly 5 months when I finally went up to meet him again. I was very nervous and anxious about getting the train up and then when it changed I was nervous about meeting him halfway. I was scared I would be annoying him in the car either by being super quiet or by talking non stop both of which I can do when I am nervous or panicking. He was lovely of course and the journey up went really well. I thought his parents wouldn’t like me even though nearly everyone’s parents who have met me have also liked me. They did like me and I worried for nothing.

Something that I found really interesting was that he is very much a person who likes to go out and do things I am more of a person who likes to be in their pjs and stay in. I thought this would be a problem but he was so sweet and made sure that I was 100% ok with going out somewhere and made sure that I knew I didn’t have to. However, even when I didn’t want to go out I said yes, not because I felt I couldn’t say no but because I wanted to push out of my comfort zone. Do you know what happened every time? I enjoyed myself so much every place we went even when it was late. I met all his friends that was a big step out of my comfort zone but they were all lovely.

The biggest lesson for me was that I stepped out of my comfort zone a lot but nothing bad happened. I forgot my coat and I got a little cold but it wasn’t the end of the world and nothing bad happened. I feel like I need to kind of just let things happen and not overthink every little thing all the time but I might enjoy it.

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Love, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Phone Calls

I used to be terrified to answer the phone. Even calling people would scare me.

The first time you called me I panicked. None of my friends called me, none of my ex boyfriends called me. The only person I was comfortable with calling me was my mum and you weren’t my mum. I couldn’t understand why you were calling me. After a while I didn’t care, I wasn’t scared I answered the phone without panicking first. Do you know what happened? Nothing. Nothing bad happened we spoke for half an hour while you drive home. We talked about our day, random stuff that popped into our heads, it didn’t matter we just found stuff to talk about, the conversation flowed with ease.

It’s funny before I hated getting phone calls and now I get a little sad when you don’t call. Something that was a huge anxiety for me you managed to make into something I enjoyed. I still get butterflies when it says your calling, I know it’s silly. I know we’re not dating and it’s silly but I feel like I know more about you from our phone calls than I ever did with any other guy. I love the way your voice sounds when you’re tired, or laying down, or even just your laugh. I like that you make me laugh when you know I’ve had a stressful day. You think I don’t know but I do know that you try your hardest to make me laugh and happy when you know I’m not having the best of days.

Thank you for turning something I hated into something I love.

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Mental Health, Uncategorized

How I Overcome Stress

I stress all the time. I have anxiety. This also causes me to stress even more about the littlest things. I stress the most at work on a typical day to day basis. The first thing I try to do is drown out the panicky voices with Rationalised and logical voices but that doesn’t always work if I’m really stressed.

The first thing I do if I’m at work and I am really stressed I will take myself out of the situation, I do this by going to the toilet, locking the door and then have my back against the wall or the door. I then try to take deep breathes and do the 54321 mindfulness tool.  This engages all five of your senses; Sight, Touch, Sound, Smell and Taste. To do this you have to look around you and the environment around you and pick out 5 different things that you can see. Then you find 4 things you can hear. After that you find 3 things you can feel that could be the floor, your socks, even you touching your arm. Also you have to find two things around you that you can smell. And lastly you have to find one thing you can taste, this could be your own mouth. This helps me calm down by distracting me and grounding myself in the now. It can also allow me the time to calm down when I need to quickly.

Sometimes I may even have a quick cry although I don’t recommend it because it’s hard to cover up and not look like you haven’t been crying. However, if things get overwhelming and you feel like you need to cry I would recommend going somewhere private like the toilets, your car or even go for a walk just to let it out. Remember it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be stressed, it’s ok if you can’t always cope at work. You are not weak. You are a strong person even if you get stressed and overwhelmed sometimes. I believe in you and I believe you can do this.

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Thoughts, Uncategorized

Broken

Am I broken?

I get anxious all the time. I had to ask my friend to come with me to the hairdressers because I had only gone one time before with my mum. Normally the family friend comes down to cut our hair.

I’m scared to go to a nightclub. Loud music, Large crowds, Drunk people all things that trigger my anxiety and stops me from going to a plus all the people my age go to.

It used to stop me from answering the phone or going places by myself.

Am I broken? or is this just who I am?

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Thoughts, Uncategorized

An open letter to the exam boards

Hi,

I’m concerned. I’m concerned because young people taking your exams are killing themselves with stress and worry. I’m concerned because today my cousin sent me a video on snapchat in tears because she had tried her hardest and studied as hard as she could for her history mocks and had gotten one of the lowest scores in her class. She had done her best and had studied as hard as she could and she felt as if nothing she had done was good enough. She didn’t know what to do.

Mental health illnesses are rising in school children. Young people are developing anxiety and depression younger and younger and I don’t think your exams are helping. You think that the previous GCSEs were too easy but did you sit them? Did you spend months studying and pulling your hair out over something coupd make or breal your future. They are told that GCSEs are the most important things that they will take and that you won’t get a job or anything without them. That kind of pressure doesn’t help children learn. What about teaching them things they will need in the future. Learning about taxes or how to look after themselves or even self-love because young people are finding it harder to do these things and this society puts so much pressure on them and call them lazy all the time.

Please, think about the children who are taking these exams. Please don’t keep creating these exams without thinking about what’s going on in the childrens heads and the pressure they may be feeling.

Sincerly

A concerned cousin and Auntie.

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Thoughts, Uncategorized

An open letter to the exam boards

Hi,

I’m concerned. I’m concerned because young people taking your exams are killing themselves with stress and worry. I’m concerned because today my cousin sent me a video on snapchat in tears because she had tried her hardest and studied as hard as she could for her history mocks and had gotten one of the lowest scores in her class. She had done her best and had studied as hard as she could and she felt as if nothing she had done was good enough. She didn’t know what to do.

Mental health illnesses are rising in school children. Young people are developing anxiety and depression younger and younger and I don’t think your exams are helping. You think that the previous GCSEs were too easy but did you sit them? Did you spend months studying and pulling your hair out over something coupd make or breal your future. They are told that GCSEs are the most important things that they will take and that you won’t get a job or anything without them. That kind of pressure doesn’t help children learn. What about teaching them things they will need in the future. Learning about taxes or how to look after themselves or even self-love because young people are finding it harder to do these things and this society puts so much pressure on them and call them lazy all the time.

Please, think about the children who are taking these exams. Please don’t keep creating these exams without thinking about what’s going on in the childrens heads and the pressure they may be feeling.

Sincerly

A concerned cousin and Auntie.

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Mental Health, Uncategorized

Anxiety

Anxiety isn’t just worrying about an exam or being in crowds although that is anxiety.

Anxiety is crying over what to wear because it has to be perfect and nothing is perfect and you don’t what to do because you can’t mess up the day by wearing the wrong thing.

Anxiety is being so worried you’ll mess everything up for your family that you don’t even want to go to your grandads funeral.

It’s wanting to stay in bed and not move in case you make something worse or messaging your friends repetitively and then worrying that now they hate you so you apologise for being a nuisance and a pain and that you’ll stop bothering you because you don’t want to lose them.

Anxiety isn’t just worrying, it’s real, it’s not pretty, it’s not something you can romanticise. It hard, It’s sometimes feels like everything could go wrong or that you’re drowning in your feelings. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. Sometimes I know that I’m being silly and worrying over nothing and it still doesn’t stop the worrying.

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