Thoughts, Uncategorized

Broken

Am I broken?

I get anxious all the time. I had to ask my friend to come with me to the hairdressers because I had only gone one time before with my mum. Normally the family friend comes down to cut our hair.

I’m scared to go to a nightclub. Loud music, Large crowds, Drunk people all things that trigger my anxiety and stops me from going to a plus all the people my age go to.

It used to stop me from answering the phone or going places by myself.

Am I broken? or is this just who I am?

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Thoughts, Uncategorized

An open letter to the exam boards

Hi,

I’m concerned. I’m concerned because young people taking your exams are killing themselves with stress and worry. I’m concerned because today my cousin sent me a video on snapchat in tears because she had tried her hardest and studied as hard as she could for her history mocks and had gotten one of the lowest scores in her class. She had done her best and had studied as hard as she could and she felt as if nothing she had done was good enough. She didn’t know what to do.

Mental health illnesses are rising in school children. Young people are developing anxiety and depression younger and younger and I don’t think your exams are helping. You think that the previous GCSEs were too easy but did you sit them? Did you spend months studying and pulling your hair out over something coupd make or breal your future. They are told that GCSEs are the most important things that they will take and that you won’t get a job or anything without them. That kind of pressure doesn’t help children learn. What about teaching them things they will need in the future. Learning about taxes or how to look after themselves or even self-love because young people are finding it harder to do these things and this society puts so much pressure on them and call them lazy all the time.

Please, think about the children who are taking these exams. Please don’t keep creating these exams without thinking about what’s going on in the childrens heads and the pressure they may be feeling.

Sincerly

A concerned cousin and Auntie.

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Thoughts, Uncategorized

An open letter to the exam boards

Hi,

I’m concerned. I’m concerned because young people taking your exams are killing themselves with stress and worry. I’m concerned because today my cousin sent me a video on snapchat in tears because she had tried her hardest and studied as hard as she could for her history mocks and had gotten one of the lowest scores in her class. She had done her best and had studied as hard as she could and she felt as if nothing she had done was good enough. She didn’t know what to do.

Mental health illnesses are rising in school children. Young people are developing anxiety and depression younger and younger and I don’t think your exams are helping. You think that the previous GCSEs were too easy but did you sit them? Did you spend months studying and pulling your hair out over something coupd make or breal your future. They are told that GCSEs are the most important things that they will take and that you won’t get a job or anything without them. That kind of pressure doesn’t help children learn. What about teaching them things they will need in the future. Learning about taxes or how to look after themselves or even self-love because young people are finding it harder to do these things and this society puts so much pressure on them and call them lazy all the time.

Please, think about the children who are taking these exams. Please don’t keep creating these exams without thinking about what’s going on in the childrens heads and the pressure they may be feeling.

Sincerly

A concerned cousin and Auntie.

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Mental Health, Uncategorized

Anxiety

Anxiety isn’t just worrying about an exam or being in crowds although that is anxiety.

Anxiety is crying over what to wear because it has to be perfect and nothing is perfect and you don’t what to do because you can’t mess up the day by wearing the wrong thing.

Anxiety is being so worried you’ll mess everything up for your family that you don’t even want to go to your grandads funeral.

It’s wanting to stay in bed and not move in case you make something worse or messaging your friends repetitively and then worrying that now they hate you so you apologise for being a nuisance and a pain and that you’ll stop bothering you because you don’t want to lose them.

Anxiety isn’t just worrying, it’s real, it’s not pretty, it’s not something you can romanticise. It hard, It’s sometimes feels like everything could go wrong or that you’re drowning in your feelings. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. Sometimes I know that I’m being silly and worrying over nothing and it still doesn’t stop the worrying.

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Thoughts

Family Holidays

The week before last I went on holiday with my family to Canterbury and overall had a really great time.

The half of my family I went on holiday with are the nice side of my family, my mums dads side. The whole family is full of very different but equally lovely and kind people. I can not give them enough praise and compliments because they’re so great. They always help me feel at ease with everything, making sure if we go to eat somewhere that there’s something I like as well as other members of the family who have unique pallets. My auntie and cousin encouraged me to go on the dodgems with them and although it doesn’t seem like a big thing it was very big for me and they were really ok with me worrying in the line. I am so happy I went on the dodgem because it was something I wanted to do and I had a really great time on them.

I went on holiday a month before with the other side of my mums family to Poole and it was very different. Everyone was arguing constantly and I didn’t feel like I wanted to be there, everything was my fault, the way I sat on the sofa, the way I woke up, anything I did wasn’t good enough. We had a great time at places like Brownsea island and Corfe Castle. I did go on a Ferry for the first time there and my mum was really great at settling me down and calming me and I was so happy I went on the ferry and didn’t miss out as a result of my anxiety which really upsets me when my anxiety stop me from doing something. My grandmother decided on the Friday that we were leaving that day before 10, I woke up at 7 got up and she was packing the food and said we need to pack as we were going soon. This made me really panicky as we weren’t sure when we were leaving as we had the caravan until the Monday, and she just decided by herself on the day without any warning and she does this all the time and gets angry if you don’t like it.

I’m trying to plan a holiday with my two friends for relaxation and to get away from family and work. Unfortunately no one is planning the holiday and I keep looking for places but I’m unsure of our budget each as I only just started my permanent job contract, one of my friends is on an apprentice wage and the other doesn’t have a permanent job currently and is doing up furniture as a new business which is waiting to take off. We want to go to the Isle of Wight, I’ve never been before but they’ve been lots of times with their families.

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Fandom, Harry Potter, Mental Health

Gryffindor with Anxiety

I am a Gryffindor. I did the Pottermore quiz and got Gryffindor.

Being a Gryffindor means a lot to me because I used to want to be brave and courageous and wanted to stick up for myself and others. I have anxiety which makes me worry more than I should about everything and stops me from doing so many things but everyday and every time there’s something that scares me I have to push myself to do it. I am brave every time I get myself up and out of the house and every time I do something that scares me that maybe other people would have no problem doing.

Growing up I didn’t feel like the Gryffindor I was but then I realised just how like a Gryffindor I was. I always stick up for my friends and myself, I’m not afraid to tell the truth or tell someone how I feel about them. I’m not afraid to do things that scare me like learning to drive or going to places I’ve never been, or going somewhere on holiday with family and not knowing where exactly it is. I even got over my fear of the dark.

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Love, Mental Health, Thoughts

I just want to be loved

I just want to be loved…
I want someone to look at me completely in love with me. In love with my laugh, the way my nose scrunches if I find something particularly funny. The way I care about people. The way I try and show off a little when I haven’t seen people in ages. The way I try and feed everyone all the time, whether they’re sad, angry or even happy. The way I fall in love with chick flicks and get WAY too into the story.

I want someone to look at me and truly see me inside not whatever mask I have up. Understand that I’m acting a certain way because of who I’m with, family, friends, you. Someone who understands that I’m confident with people I know really well but then freeze and shutdown a little with people I don’t know. That I don’t like answering the phone but that I will do it even if it terrifies me. That I can cook really well but I still need reassurance that I am doing it right.

That I may have days where I don’t want to talk to you and that it may hurt but I shutdown and I can’t help it. I want someone to understand when I’m having those days and when I’m struggling. I want someone to help me with the bad days and ride the good days with me.

………I just want someone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

=]

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