Thoughts

Survive

via Daily Prompt: Survive

Survive a simple word with a lot of hard work behind it.

To survive we need to eat, sleep, and stay dehydrated right? Super easy. No big deal.

Other people don’t want us to survive, other people want us to live, other people want us to feel more than just our standard days.

Some people barely survive each day due to their own struggle either mental and/or physical. Some people survive easily as if it came naturally to them everything they ever needed. But some people don’t even get the chance to survive.

What is survival? Is it having your basic needs and managing to get through every day. Is it living every moment to its fullest? Is it trying to break out of your mind every day just to locked back in again when night comes?

Do we want to survive? Were we even given the choice? Would we chose to survive if we knew everything that would happen to us in our lifetime the moment we were born? I think we would, we are curious creatures and it is in our nature to survive. Look at every terrorist attack we have and you will see people banding together to make sure the victims survive and that anyone involved survives because survival may not always be easy but it is necessary to make things better. The moment everyone gives up then no one truly survives.

Advertisements
Standard
Love, Mental Health, Thoughts

I just want to be loved

I just want to be loved…
I want someone to look at me completely in love with me. In love with my laugh, the way my nose scrunches if I find something particularly funny. The way I care about people. The way I try and show off a little when I haven’t seen people in ages. The way I try and feed everyone all the time, whether they’re sad, angry or even happy. The way I fall in love with chick flicks and get WAY too into the story.

I want someone to look at me and truly see me inside not what every mask I have up. Understand that I’m acting a certain way because of who I’m with, family, friends, you. Someone who understands that I’m confident with people I know really well but them freeze and shutdown a little with people I don’t know. That I don’t like answering the phone but that I will do it even if it terrifies me. That I can cook really well but I still need reassurance that I am doing it right.

That I may have days where I don’t want to talk to you and that it may hurt but I shutdown and can’t help. I want someone to understand when I’m having those days and when I’m struggling. I want someone to help me with the bad days and ride the good days with me.

………I just want someone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

=]

Standard
Love, Thoughts

To My Crush

Hey,

I’m pretty sure you know I exist I mean I lent you that pencil in class…which you still haven’t given back but it’s ok you keep it I have plenty. I smiled at you as I gave you that pencil and you smiled back at me so it was worth it. I then gazed at the back of your head and thought about what we could talk about. Then class was over and I wouldn’t see you anymore that day. I said bye as I gathered up my things and you said ‘seeya’.

I friended you on Facebook, we have a group presentation to do. I added the whole group and created a group chat for the whole presentation. Even though I ended up doing most of the work. I gave you the easy job of printing photos for the poster we were presenting and you smiled at me making my heart melt. We had to present our poster and you stood next to me….there was no where else to stand but I knew you wanted to stand next to me.

I missed class because I was on a trip so I message you asking what I missed and if we had homework. You don’t know…you were ill. My whole conversation planned fell to pieces. We end up talking about wrestling which was interesting. You have a nice sense of humor. You make me smile. Oh you’re offline now…night I guess.

Then speaking to a friend I realised I was overthinking the whole thing. It was only a pencil. It was only a smile. It was only a friend request. It was only standing next to you. It was only a smile. It was only a conversation. It was only a smile. It was only a smile. It was only a smile!

Maybe one day I’ll speak to you properly and stop being weird in front of you overthinking every action when you’re with me.

Thank you for putting up with me

Dana.

Standard
Thoughts, Uncategorized

Why am I here?

Hi Guys,

Fun fact: only one person I know actually knows about this blog.

I am here on WordPress blogging publicly about my thoughts, fandoms and mental health because I wanted some where to express my thoughts and feelings about things but also some where I could express these thoughts to like minded people who weren’t people I knew first hand irl and wouldn’t judge me. I started off just wanting to share my experience of counselling but then I wrote about dealing with grief and it just got easier to write down my thoughts.

I would love to connect to people who share the same Fandoms as me, people who share some of the same feelings with me and mental health issues. I would love to think that at least someone has read my blog about counselling or my anxiety and that has helped someone to know that they are not alone because they aren’t alone ever. We are a community and if we all share these problems then I hope we can help each other too.

I currently write about a variety of different topics but so far they fall into four categories; Fandom, Love, Mental Health, and Thoughts. Fandom covers a lot of different Fandoms that I am a part of. Ones I have recently got into, ones I have been in for as long as I can remember, ones that have helped me with my mental health, and one I recommend to any and every one I can. Love covers Family, Friends and of course crushes. Mental Health covers not only my anxiety and depression but also any body issues or anything I deem as a symptom of or relation to mental health issues. Thoughts cover any thoughts that I have had and written down and found important to express but doesn’t fall into either of the other three categories and this could be random thoughts or meaningful thoughts.

Dana x

Standard
Love, Mental Health, Thoughts

Myself and my body

Hi Guys,

When I was a lot younger, Around ten years old, I really started to hate a mole I had on my neck. I hated it and I just wanted it to be gone and not be there anymore. So one day I decided to pick it off and then it wouldn’t be there anymore. I picked off my mole and I thought it was great because it wasn’t there anymore but then where the mole was it started weeping and it scabbed over. I thought it would heal and I wouldn’t have a mole anymore. If anything touched the skin it would weep and take the skin off. It wouldn’t heal. It was so painful and itchy and I just wanted that to stop. Eventually it healed and not too long after that my mole came back, same place, same shape, exactly the same as it was before I started attacking it.

That experience taught me a lot more than what you would think it did on the surface. It taught me to leave myself alone. If I had any insecurities to leave them alone or I would only make them worse and not better. I learned to like my mole, I’d would like to say love it but I’m slowly getting there. I also learnt that no one else was even remotely interested in what I saw as my biggest flaw at that age. I have more things I don’t like about my body and face at 19. Nine years later and there are still things I don’t like and wish I could change. However, how I deal with these things is a lot different. Instead of picking at what I don’t like until it goes away I’ve learnt to see what I don’t like and accept it. I’ve accepted that my ear stick out more than I would like but that no one else notices it when I mention it. I noticed that my nose is different from everyone’s in my family and I hate that but I’ve learnt to accept that it makes me unique.

I don’t think I’ll ever completely love the whole of my body all at once but the way I handle it and view myself is a lot better than how I used to. Anyone who doesn’t like the way they look shouldn’t keep picking at their selves or their self-esteem, they should learn to love or accept themselves because no one else notices all the little details you do about yourself. You are perfect the way you are x.

 

Dana x

Standard
Love, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Single

Hi guys,

 

I’ve been single for the whole of this year. My new year’s resolution last year  was to not date anyone this year. It helped take the pressure of constantly thinking you have to look for a guy. It helped me to focus more on myself but I am nowhere near the amount of self love I feel I need. I’m meeting up with a guy I think is quite cute to talk about life and what I could do after my apprenticeship next year. Once I told my guy friends they made jokes saying he just wants to get me drunk and try it on. This made my anxiety very bad and now getting ready to meet up with him I’m having a panic attack. I went to one of my friends I always talk to about my mental health and he just said if he kisses you go for it because why not. This didn’t help me. I’m still in a panic, I feel sick and don’t even want to go out. This is just supposed to be a friendly meetup to talk about the future and life after college. Even if he asked me out it’s not next year so I wouldn’t be able to anyway and I feel like I’m panicking for no reason. I am also worried about walking to and from the pub in the dark!!

My friend just left. We had the best time ever and I knew he wasn’t the time of guy who would be weird or only after one thing. We hung out at the pub for 3 hours, we went to mine and he transferred game of thrones while we watched a film. We talked about college, university, work, films I hadn’t watched and needed to watch. It was so great and I was panicking for nothing. He is an amazing guy and a great friend. And we’re gonna meet up again!!

Standard
Thoughts, Uncategorized

My New Years Resolution

Hi kittens,

I wasn’t expecting to make a New Years Resolution post but I think really it’s going to be a better year next year and I want to share my resolutions with you all.

So one of my New Years resolutions from last year was to not date anyone so that I didn’t have the stress of why haven’t I got a boyfriend or that I wasn’t constantly looking for a guy. Also that I wasn’t worried why I didn’t have a boyfriend. I took this year for self love. I went ok. I didn’t get I boyfriend and I wasn’t worrying about finding one although I did have to reject someone which I didn’t like doing and found awkward but he’s a nice guy and we are friends.

I have a cliché New Years resolution which is to join the gym with my two best friends. I wanted to join the gym last year but I didn’t have a job and then not everyone was 18 in the group of us so we decided to wait and now we all feel ready and it’s better than using our gym stuff at home and we get to do it together.

Another is to read one new book a month. This is because I have loads of books I bought because I wanted to read them and then never got round to it and reread Harry Potter instead. There’s nothing with rereading Harry Potter but as well as reading new books.

To have breakfast every day and not skip it. This is more a personal thing that I’ve never really had a regular breakfast in the morning and I would like to start because I feel like it would start me off for the day.

I want to eat healthier. I’ve improved the amount of water I drink but I would like to eat less crap and more meals that are healthier instead of like a tube of pringles because I’m hungry. Also I want to eat less ready meals, I managed to stop eating Rustler burgers and food like that. I have cut down the amount of takeaways I have to once every 2 months if that.

I want to swear less. I work in a workshop full of guys, we all swear….a lot. I swear the most all the time. I would like to tone down the amount I swear. I would also like to not swear in front of people younger than me and old people.

I want to push out of my comfort zone more even if it’s scary even if I’ve found more than 10 worst outcomes. I want to meet up with people I haven’t seen in ages and not panic and cancel because I’m scared. I don’t want to keep cancelling or saying I’m busy I just want to do it.

What are your New Years Resolutions and Why?

Dana

Standard