I want you to know that you don’t need to be afraid or scared. I also want you to know that we all love you very much. I know that you’re in a lot of pain right now and you keep forgetting where you are but you’re home surrounded by the people who care about you. Granny is there and although she doesn’t know what to do to help because she can’t and she gets frustrated she does love you very much. We’re all dealing with this in different ways so people keep acting differently and worrying and arguing but you don’t need to worry about that. Nothing is your fault. Everyone will keep their happy thoughts with them when things get tough and when you pass we will be able to look back on all the good times.
I know you don’t believe in Heaven or any type of afterlife and I know that you’re scared your life will end and there will be nothing but you need to have faith and let yourself go. You can’t hang on any longer. This is painful for everyone involved and it will continue to be painful for us for a long time. Watching you deteriorate is something I wish I never had to see but also something that I will never have to see again. Watching you slowly become less like yourself and become someone who basically sleeps all the time and struggles to even drink is so heart breaking to see. Especially as only a month ago you were telling us that when you got better you would cook Christmas dinner. It’s heart breaking because you might not make it to Christmas and you definitely won’t get better and you know this. Every time you ask it breaks my heart because I know you will never get better and this is the end.
I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could comfort you and stop you from being so scared. I wish I could help in some way one last time before you go but I know I can’t do any of those things. All I can do is count myself lucky for all the time I got to spend with you even if we didn’t always see eye to eye and we didn’t always like each other. The last five years have been hard but we have had a stronger bond as a result and I am so thankful for that second chance.
Thank you for being in my life and I hope your suffering doesn’t last too long.
I will always think of you fondly and of all the good times.