Mental Health, Thoughts, Uncategorized

I’m so sad

I constantly feel like I’m bothering people by talking to them all the time or trying to arrange a time or place to meet up at. I never know why and I can never stop it, even rational thinking doesn’t seem to help stop myself feeling like this. I can’t help thinking people hate me if they suddenly message me something that sounds even a little different than normal. They could be tired or just having a bit of a bad day but instantly I think that they are annoyed by me and hate me.

I wish I could stop it but I don’t know how to.  I hate constantly feeling like this, I wish I could stop some how. I know it’s my mental health but I don’t know how to make myself feel better. I wish I could think rationally sometimes but I can never find the logic in my brain when I’m feeling like this. It’s hard constantly being in your own thoughts with no escape, no logical thoughts can break through all the anxious thoughts covered in self hatred. You’re friends try to help but only you can help yourself. Other people don’t get it and tell you not to stress or to calm down but as we all know that never helps, telling someone to get over it rarely helps them get over it.

I don’t know how to stop it. I give myself pep talks in the toilets, I try and calm myself with music and constantly tell myself over and over again that I am being silly and remind myself of all the rational and logical thoughts and hope that some how that helps in anyway. Sometimes it does and other times it doesn’t. I try to ground myself, read uplifting quotes anything to try and lift the fog of bad thoughts that cloud my mind.

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Love, Uncategorized

How do you know you’re in love?

You don’t know when you’re in love. It creeps up on you when you least expect it and make a little home in your heart and suddenly you’re talking to them and you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.

They may not be perfect but the way they laugh, the way they smile, the way they remember the little things you told them it all adds up in the factors before you realise you love them.

All of a sudden when you’re working or minding your own business they will creep up into your mind and make you smile. They’ll call you just to make you smile and then you’ll know deep down even if it’s not love yet it’s coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop it.

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Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Fandom, Mental Health, Uncategorized

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – Mental Health

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend was written by Rachel Bloom who also plays Rebecca Bunch who is the main character in this TV show. She is dealing with a lot of mental health issues and I think it’s the first time I’ve watched a Tv show portrayal of mental health illnesses and thought it was true and could relate to certain aspects of it.

This post will have spoilers for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 3. Don’t read any further unless you want Season 3 to be spoiled or you’ve watched it.

Continue reading

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Thoughts, Uncategorized

Broken

Am I broken?

I get anxious all the time. I had to ask my friend to come with me to the hairdressers because I had only gone one time before with my mum. Normally the family friend comes down to cut our hair.

I’m scared to go to a nightclub. Loud music, Large crowds, Drunk people all things that trigger my anxiety and stops me from going to a plus all the people my age go to.

It used to stop me from answering the phone or going places by myself.

Am I broken? or is this just who I am?

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Fandom, Uncategorized

My Woman crush

My woman crush is Felicia Day. She is geeky, beautiful, cool and an absolute bamf.

I first heard of her when I started watching Supernatural and she played Charlie Bradbury and I thought she was absolutely amazing acting as her. Her character was so relatable and it was so nice to see a ‘geeky’ girl that wasn’t questioned for liking Harry Potter or Larping. Also she was a lesbian and it was nice that it wasn’t used as her only personality which you see so many shows doing now.

Then I looked her up on IMDB to see what else she was in. She’d been in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I also saw she had her own website. That’s how I found out she had starred in a webseries called The guild which you can watch here on her official website and also see upcoming or past projects she’s done or is currently doing. The guild is about a group of people who are in a guild and end up all meeting up in real life and then end up in absolutely mad situations. It is so funny and I think all the actors in it are amazing and it is well worth the watch.

I also found out she was in Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog which has Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion starring in it as well.

She’s also written a memoir called ‘You’re never weird on the internet (almost)’ which is so funny and also really interesting. She talks a lot about growing up and her own experiences of playing in a guild. She also talks about creating the webseries ‘The guild’. You can buy the book here.

If you want to know pretty much everything about Felicia Day then check out her official website here.

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Fandom, Uncategorized

Fangirl addiction

These questions come from the the Fangirl Life Bamf Journal which goes along side the book The Fangirl Life by Kathleen Smith. Link to buy the book

The warning signs I experience when I start developing a fangirl addiction are;

Staying up late, Isolating from others, smart phone dependency, procrasting on work, spending lots of money, and unhealthy eating.

One of the fangirling behaviour I’d like to change is unhealthy eating.

I used to be really bad at eating regular meals. I always forget to have breakfast which is the most important meal of the day. I end up having a pot of yoghurt every morning but it’s not a great breakfast to start of the day. As well as that I often eat unhealthy food like share packets of crisps to myself often.

On a scale on 1 to 10 for motivation to eat healthier I would pick a 7. This is because I know I have to eat healthier and also regular meals. I also want to stop skipping meals.

To do this I would make more of an effort to make healthier lunches, get rid of all the junk food in my house, pre make dinners for the week.

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Love, Mental Health, Uncategorized

I’m Scared

I’m Scared.

I’m scared to like you. I’m scared to fall for you. I’m scared you’ll hurt me.

But most importantly I’m scared I’ll hurt you.

My last boyfriend and I broke up because I had a mental break down during our relationship and I shut everyone out.

I’m scared it will happen again and I will ruin everything between us.

I’m scared I’ll break your heart and you’ll hate me, your parents will hate me and everyone at work will think I’m a horrible person.

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